Thirst No More

I'd rather talk to you about it in person, he said. But what about? I was hopeful. Maybe he finally flipped through the untouched pages of the bible I bought for him almost 6 years ago and a passage touched him so deeply that he had to tell me. I was cautious. Maybe he did more than just throw a trash can through the school bathroom window which unfortunately landed on his principal's car this time and has to go back in to do more time in juvie. Either way I was curious and eager to spend time with him especially because HE had reached out to ME for the first time.

Since he graduated from middle school with all A's and B's and moved on from my class 4 years ago, he started slipping and no matter how much I prayed and spent time with him he continued to make one bad choice after another. God, why do keep pushing me toward him? I had asked as I made my way up to the Bronx to stand in as his character witness in family court. Father, what good is any of this doing? I had asked when I found out he lost the backpack, all the notebooks and other school supplies I had bought for him. Lord, how long must I do this for? I had complained whenever I called to only hear that he wasn't in for our weekly phone appointments. He even missed my wedding where he was to give a speech and hasn't been home the last few times I tried to get in touch with him. So for him to call me on his own accord and request to meet up downtown was no small thing.

From across the street at Union Square, I noticed he had grown out his hair a bit which was tied into a small pony tail. He was also thinner and his broad chest made him look more grown up and tough. His pants were more fitting now and there was no question he was taller than me now. Not only that, he had his own cell phone now, and the fact that he knew how to take the subway down to 14th street was a nice change.

I be getting mad when I walk around here Mr. Choi. I want to do my own thing, you know? I don't have my own space and I gotta get outa my grandma's house. These people have beautiful homes and with their nice balconies, you know what I'm saying? He was frustrated with his life. He felt trapped and didn't know what else to do but call me. He wanted a better life like the people around here. He realized he isn't getting any younger and that if he doesn't straighten out and take care of his business things weren't going to change for him. He wanted help finding a job and earn his high school credits for a diploma.

I was relieved because he wasn't in any more trouble. I was thankful that he was feeling frustrated enough to take action and not simply react when things to happened to him. I could still see that money was his only goal, his life savor, his get-out-of-jail card. I wanted him to understand that freedom is not hiding in modern New York City apartments or stuffed inside expensive leather brief cases. What he needed was to break free from his poverty mindset, victim mentality, and his search for some kind of magic wand that would fix all his wrongs and discontentment with one flick of the wrist.

I caught myself talking at him again, but God moved in my spirit and I knew my words were lost on him. I wasn't going to change him. But I loved him all over again at that moment and wanted desperately for him to see beyond the tangible things of life. But I realized that he needs to see, touch, observe, feel, and come to his own conclusions for things to actually drop in his heart.

Then God, what am I supposed to do? You keep telling me to reach out to him, but it all seems vain.
Love him, and involve him in your life. Let him love you and Purim. Make yourself available to him and consistently pursue him with your heart and in prayer. Let him come to you and he will eventually find me and I will give him everlasting water, and he will thirst no more. Be patient and obey me, and see what I do.